huinare: (Ori)
So I was looking at this nifty picture of all the Dwarves (minus Thorin) from the upcoming Hobbit films, and I found that instead of washing the dishes I had written humorfic.

Disclaimer stuff: I don't make money off of Tolkien's characters, nor off of New Line Cinema's character designs.  This was written purely for the wasting of time.
Rating: PGish.
FYI: Great big wide image included under cut.  It's just not the same without it.  If it's not loading or truncated, the image in question is here.

"By Mahal’s impressive hammer, it’s worse than I thought." )
huinare: (art)

[cracked-out thing I posted elsewhere, for posterity]

Dear Carcharoth,

Suffering from indigestion? heartbearn? maybe a pesky case of internal hemorrhaging? Try Dr. Darkness' Desilmarilliant. Alleviates all symptoms related to accidental or intentional silmaril ingestion.

To receive your first bottle, please enclose twenty gold coins and a milligram of mithril in the envelope provided and post it at once. Hurry! Supply is limited, and silmarilli are known to corrode all internal organs within eight months.

Your humble friend,
Dr. Darkness
At Dr. Darkness, Inc., we care about you and our money

huinare: (reason)
This is what I did today.*  I totally wrote a horrific philosophic thingy and then Sauron upstaged everyone like the bastard he is and then Gelmir kept talking on and on and wouldn't shut up.

I'm not sure whether to be pleased or mortified.

Plortified.  There.  Problem solved.

In other news, I might be going to the zoo tomorrow, like in that Raffi song.

*Thanks to Leonard Cohen, Florence, Radiohead, and That Same Damn Puscifer Song My Muses All Love for writing backdrop.
huinare: (two)
Oh look, there's time enough between classes to post this bit of mischief I managed yesterday.

Beorn & Finduilas of Dol Amroth ! )

huinare: (curse)
This is totally not what I expected to be working on first.  The idea broadsided me weirdly on the bus this morning.  A creepy story about a...statue...?!
"A Watcher of Cirith Ungol," for 'Alternate Viewpoints.'  With thanks to Summoning, Rammstein, Godsmack, and Puscifer for writing background music.

B2MEM Ledger Mar 2 )
huinare: (paradise lost)
It was inevitable that something like this brief satircal thingy would issue from my brain, but it didn’t seriously occur to me to post it until I noticed Pandemonium had recently had a birthday.  

Happy-somewhat-belated-birthday, Pandë!

Voici. )
huinare: (reason - aves)
| I remarked in the last Tolkien_Weekly challenge about insufficient space to elaborate on an aspect of a drabble series I’d just wrapped. Dwimordene happened to set this bait: “False dawn light.” Thank you indeed for the prompt, Dwim; I found it a bit too ideal and ran down the street dragging it like a manic pit-bull until 1500 words of something quite distinct from the drabble series twitched in my wake. In token of appreciation, and because I’d have wanted to anyway, I’ve incorporated an element in which we seem to have a mutual interest. |

Wherein Sauron’s vexation is made manifest after Gandalf’s escape from Saruman’s roof. Alludes to Unfinished Tales, “The Hunt for the Ring” narrative C. Alludes also to Huinárian fanon, which includes spherical!Arda and imaginative (yet I’d like to think, not untenable) extrapolation of Saruman’s history. Since my predilections are untrammeled by word limits, one can expect general morbidness and philosophical brooding, vague descriptions of torment, a depressing happening, and a random shift in narrative perspective.

Standard disclaimer and other notes. )

Story. )


huinare: (Default)

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